Definitive proof of Decepticonfetti's existence was first obtained in the early 1980's, during one of the routine expeditions to Mount Ararat that were jointly sponsored by the Turkish government and a team of American biblical scholars. Although the group hoped to locate a historically authentic Noah's ark, it stumbled on a scientific finding of quite different significance. Believed to be long extinct by contemporary archaeologists, samples of body hair and dung drops indicated that the half-man/half-ape creature had survived for millenia by feeding on the entrails of olympic hopefuls and the occasional stray, overambitious businessperson. On a subsequent trip, the creature was guilefully lured into a cage by scientists weilding boobies and Magic Cards. After being sedated and bound, he was transported to the American Midwest. In southern Indiana, he was the test subject of numerous experiments aimed at determining the noxious effects of television, shopping malls, and modern-day American democracy. In 2002, due to Republican tax cuts and slashing of program funding, he was shaved thoroughly and set free to prey upon the unsuspecting public. He now enjoys his freedom as a traveling minstrel, harlequin, jack-of-all-trades and unrepentant public menace. This is the tale of his travels and his travails. Sit back and enjoy.