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Aug. 26th, 2005 | 03:12 pm
mood: I don't fucking know. Happy, but coffee-addled and anxious
music: The Mountain Goats - Pink And Blue

Life around here has lately been a little...well...surreal.

Just when all was quiet on the decepticonfront, the cosmic powers-that-be decided that a lightning bolt of insanity shot straight to the heart of things would be just the ticket.

I present you with Alpha Girl: named both for her prime position in the decepticonfetti life-narrative and musical pantheons.

You see, weve known each other for a long time. A looooong time, but it was always just impossible. Initially it was the age disparity; she was 20, I was 17. I had the usual high school emotional baggage compounded by bird-chest and acne. And an afro to boot. Forget "euro", this was an afro.

And yet, somehow we hit it off. Maybe it was just that we were both hopeless Romantics. I don't just mean your run-of-the-mill, pick-a-Julia-Roberts-flick-for-a-frame-of-reference, cheese; I mean we were both, well...discontent with the lives lived less fully and more ordinarily. We had...I don't know...what's the word? intimacy? On an emotional and intellectual level, perhaps.

But for whatever reason, we didn't. And we knew we would be good friends, but we didnt try to make it more than that.

Fast forward eight years, and shes telling me what I guess I always knew she would. I knew it through all of those years when I'd come around and her boyfriend would be visibly uneasy. Shes telling me she wishes she had never been with him--her first and only boyfriend--and that even though she loves her two little children, if those years had been different...

"But, listen here, say I, "I don't want to be your rebound, and I don't want to be a homewrecker because you all of a sudden have got the fanciful notion that the grass is somehow greener."

But that was unfair, and she called me on it. Home wrecker, nothing. Her home has been in shambles for six years, if not longer.

"So why cling to him?" I ask.
"I haven't been with him for ___--"
"That's not what I meant. I meant: why have you been cohabitating with him all of this time?"

She then proceeded to rather swiftly and disdainfully inform me of a number of real-world economic considerations that having kids and low-paying jobs exposes one to, and that most of us never have cause to consider; and that, besides, they had more or less been staying separately at different friends' houses, taking shifts with the kids, moving back and forth between here and her home city of Newark, all in effort to avoid each other as best as possible.

Fucked up to think it might work, I know.

"It is, but it isn't, she said."

And she was right, kinda. I don't think theres been a single instance when weve hung out over the last decade where we didnt enjoy each other's company. O.K. maybe one, but that was because I had to listen to her twaddle about some other guy.

So last night we hung out at the karaoke bar--us, and my two band mates, one of which happens to be her cousin, my long-time friend, and the man that introduced us--and it all kind of erupted into the open. To make a long story a little less long, it ended in a few, promising moments, and the conclusion, mutually reached, that it would best be sorted out tomorrow when we could go out alone and be a little more sober.

Of all the things about this, nothing scares me more than sobriety.

Opinions?

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Comments {3}

Bull Goose Looney

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from: emoticripple
date: Aug. 29th, 2005 03:10 pm (UTC)
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I would say keep your eyes and your options open, and be careful with both your hearts. Kids make me a little nervous, but you know the situation better than I.

Sorry I missed you Saturday night. I was in the booth calling a show, and when I tried to call back I got busy/no service signals.

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Duke of Dawdlers, Earl of Twaddlers

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from: decepticonfetti
date: Aug. 29th, 2005 04:29 pm (UTC)
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That's some solid advice, but I'm afraid the window in which it might have been useful has already closed (see thread at end of next post for details).

It's o.k. about Saturday. I'll give you a call later on this week and maybe we can hang out.

Was it Psycho Beach Party you were directing? Some of my queer friends were talking about that, and, since I remember you said you directed it, and it looked kind of funny, I actually thought about seeing it. However, Saturday found me not nearly in a frivolous state of mind for drag queens, as well as lacking female accompaniment, so I decided against it.

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Bull Goose Looney

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from: emoticripple
date: Aug. 29th, 2005 05:28 pm (UTC)
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It was, in fact, Psycho Beach Party. I didn't direct per se. I restaged it for Gil at the Connection because he had to leave for NYC the morning after their opening at the Rud. It was hard work, but a good time.

I'm going to be pretty gall dern busy for the next month or so. I started rehearsal last night on my next thing, but maybe we can get together late-night or of a weekend.

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